Conan the Barbarian in 3D by Rhiannon

Conan the Barbarian.

I went to see this movie in 3D. I was reminded of how much I dislike 3D. Aside from that, let’s talk about the movie itself.

The synopsis was this, as far as I could tell: Conan's mom had him as she was dying on a battlefield. He grows up a bit to be a young boy, played by Leo Howard (Leo Little's Big Show, G.I. Joe). He goes out, kills some enemies. His father, played by Ron Perlman (Sons of Anarchy, Hellboy), teaches him how to really fight. His father then gets killed by Khalar Zym, played by Stephen Lang (The Men Who Stare at Goats, Avatar). After a quick narration, Conan, played by Jason Momoa (Stargate: Atlantis, Game of Thrones), is all grown up. According to the narration he left his village, and wandered around being a mercenary and a thief. He's still hunting for the group that killed his father. He finds them. Trouble ensues and he meets up with Tamara, played by Rachel Nichols (Charlie Wilson's War, Star Trek), whom he uses to get to Khalar.

As for my opinion: It was a bloodbath, and what rhymes with blood? The word dud comes to mind. The choreography was slow and clunky, and not very well done. The acting and dialogue were abysmal, which is surprising, considering the cast. Ron Perlman stood out at the best actor. Even Rose McGowan could not save this. The actors were 2D, despite it being 3D. The plot... well… what plot? The backdrops were beautifully done; however, most of them didn't make sense for the scenes. And, for some of the panoramic scenes, the 3D made it so that you could tell it was a model. The soundtrack was gorgeous, all two songs of it. Yes, listed in the credits were two songs.

All in all, I give this movie 2 bags of popcorn out of 5. One of the other bags I threw at the screen, and the other 2, I threw away in disgust.